Comatose
by Caitlynnn
Summary: Eli had gone into a drug induced coma after trying to commit suicide. During this coma, he stumbles across an old lover of his.
1. Chapter 1

**I kind of got this idea from a debate I was having in my head during Math class. I figured that everyone should have closure of some sort. But sometimes things are better left unsaid.**

**I am thinking about making this a possible three of four shot? I don't know. I guess whatever you guys think.**

**I don't not own Degrassi. **

***Right after Eli tries to commit suicide and in Hospital***

_"Those who forget the past tend to repeat it."_

_ Chuck Palahniuk._

I felt like I was drowning in a sea of darkness. I heard voices all around me, hands all over, touching my body.

I was falling, and no one was coming to my rescue.

"Stay with us!" I heard a faint voice say. I wanted to respond, but I was suffocating.

I don't remember what happened next. But I was in Morty at the place where I killed Julia.

She was still there on the ground. Bloody and all. I quickly got out of my car and walked over to her. She was gagging blood. She hadn't died yet. From what I remember. It was an instant death.

"You're alive." My voice was hoarse. "I've been dead for three years." She says standing up. She puts a hand on my chest.

I grab it, cradling it to my chest. "Are you still mad at me?" I ask her.

She looks at me with her bloodshot eyes. I want to look away, but it's been so long…I moved some of her hair out of her eyes so I could see her better.

"I was never mad. Upset? Yeah. Of course you already knew that…"

I look down, and then around us. It's dark. "Why are you all like this? If you're….dead."

"Because of you." She says, she backs away. I move with her. "Exactly," She says, sighing.

"What?" I ask panicking. "Even when I'm dead I can't have my space." She looks down. "You replay this part of our relationship all the time." I look at her.

"Never letting me go." She says again. I back away. Letting go. Letting go. Letting go. "I can't…" I shake my head. I start to feel distant from my body. This isn't me. I need to puke. I feel like someone somewhere is punching me non-stop.

"You can. You just don't want to."

I sit on the edge of Morty's hood. She moves in between my legs. She puts her hands on my chest.

"Do you miss me?'" I look down as I ask. She tilts my chin up so I can see her. "All the time." She whispers. There's dried blood on her cheek. I cringe as I look down at her body.

I carefully put my arms around her, pulling her bloodyself on top of me. She runs her hands in my hair. I just stare at her. "It's been a long time." She says after a while.

I nod. A thought enters in my mind. "Am I dead?" She looks at me. Shakes her head. "You're in a drug induced coma. They'll be waking you up pretty soon." She frowns.

She smiles at me but faintly. I pull her in for a kiss, and she kisses me back. My hands slowly, and gently roam her back. She pulls my hair. My hands slide up her chest. But stop.

No heartbeat. "What?" She says. I remove my hand from under her shirt. I look away. I take her hand and put it on her no heartbeat heart.

"I'm dead Eli." She rolls her eyes. I feel like I got punched again. "You have to go in a minute. You got a lot of unfinished business." She pulls away from me, but smiles softly.

"I…love you." I whisper. She half smiles. "I'm not the one for you to fall in love with." She slowly is disappearing.

"What does that suppose to mean?" I call into the darkness. "Clare." She whispers. I look around me, trying to find Julia.

I lost her. Again.

I feel a tugging. I open my eyes. And then I remember.

**Continue? Yes or no? Haha…Review anyways. **


	2. Chapter 2

**My beastie Hailey helped me and gave me input for this chapter. She's so amazing. I loved what she said…anyways. Dedicated to her and Jacob. Jacob is a good friend of mine who was put in a coma. He told me today that in his coma he would dream of the past, and he dreamed of "what ifs" Anyways…**

**I do not own Degrassi.**

"_The girls love was gone, but his shadow was still there."_

_ Chuck Palahniuk_

Every night the dream kept coming back…

Julia was on the ground, I ran over to her, picked her up. She looked at me, smiled faintly, and took my hand. We walked hand in hand down the street. We passed Degrassi. I told her about my classes.

She listened, and nodded, but that was about it. "Do you want to go back?" She asked me urgently. I looked away. No. I didn't really. I shrugged.

"Eli, it's a simple question." She looks at me. I try to think of a reason. But I know that this was a dream. I was going back either way. "I don't know how long enough I have here." I told her. She looks into the distance.

"Let's go." She says. "Where?" I ask her. She smiles at me. "Your house." We walk to Morty, I get in and driver her to my house. I start to fret. It's a mess. I can't even see the ground.

"You realize…that….my room…" I shake my head. "I know you're a hoarder. You're not here." She smiles at me. I think about this for a while. No messy room. How I wish this could be true in real life.

When we get there, everything was how it was before Julia died. My parents were sitting on the couch. "They're just figures. They don't move or talk. That's only me," She explains as she goes to the restroom. I nod going over to them looking at them.

This was so weird. I get Coca-cola from the fridge and start to drink it. Julia comes down, and takes my hand. "Where are we going?" I ask her. "Where else? You room."

I nod. Taking this all in. I remember I didn't have a lock on my door. She turns the door knob, letting me go in first. "Wow." I whisper. I can see the floor. I can see my dresser. No crap was on it. My bed was somewhat clean.

Julia sits on my bed cuddling the dinosaur. "Remember this?" She says pointing to the dinosaur. I nod laughing. "Yeah, I spent an hour trying to win that damn thing." I shake my head sitting next to her.

She wraps one of her arms around my waist. I put my hand around her too. My fingers slid under her shirt. I feel the skin of her lower back. Nice and smooth.

I feel her rubbing my back.

Even in my dreams I felt emotionally drained. I sighed and looked down. "What?" She says lightly. "I've messed up."

She shrugs. "We all mess up…" She reflects back the image I'm thinking of. She was seeing someone else. I had caught them.

I gave her my all, and she cheated on me. "Why did you do it?" I ask. Remembering everything. "The truth?" She asks. I nod. "Are you sure?" She says.

"Don't spare my feelings. It's not like you didn't the night before you died."

She sighs. "Because, you were great. Don't get me wrong. But I need my space…I loved that you were there for me, when I needed you the most. But our relationship to me felt like you were my older brother trying to protect me…." She shakes her head. "I just…I needed that. I needed to feel wanted, desired for."

I lay down on my back, and looked up at the ceiling. We had sex. A few times actually.

"So, cheating on me with Mike was better? You could have told me. What you did stabbed me in the back. He was my bully. The guy that made life hell for me when we were younger." I shook my head.

"What did he do to you?"

I sighed. "You know what its like to be bullied. You know the feeling. He only got worse as he aged. He found new ways to bully me."

"We did foreplay." She said. I laughed with no humor. "I know. I saw that." I reflect back to that.

She sighs, but gets on top of me. I look up at her. She stares into my eyes. Her hair is in my face. I take some in my mouth. "Eww." She laughs. I just smile at her. I take it out of my mouth. I begin to tug it. She bends down, and kisses me.

My hands grasp her shoulder, and they begin to travel down her sides. They travel all the way down to her pants. I snap her underwear, and laugh, as she looks at me wide eyed.

She pulls on my hair. She breaths big. My hands slip under he shirt, roaming around her stomach. She laughs a little. "Still ticklish?" I ask. She shakes her head. "No way."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh, really." I slowly draw circles around her stomach, she shrieks. "Not ticklish." She says again. I move my hands to her hips, and I caress them. She moans a little. "That feel more of a massage than trying to tickle me." She smiles, giving me a peck on the lips.

As my on hand travels, the other moves her towards me, closer. For a while that's all we do. Is kiss, and remember each other's bodies. I

I blink, and Clare is looking directly at me. I flinch. When Clare talks, she sounds like Julia. I blink again, and shake my head.

She looks up at the ceiling. Like it'll give her an answer. "You have to leave soon." She gets off of me, smoothing her shirt and her hair.

"Why can't I stay here?" I ask. She takes my hand. "I'm only here to fill in your emotional need. Like I said, you're not letting me go."

"My emotional need?" I ask her. She nods, but starts to disappear.

And I wake up again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Yeah, I don't own degrassi.**

"Take your pills," The nurse hands me the water. I stare down at the pills. Two small tablets that can knock me out cold for the rest of the day. I stared down at it, wondering what was the purpose for it.

Julia felt real to me. In my dreams. But then I remember. They're just dreams. I close my eyes, and swallow the pills and wash it down with the water. Three…Two…One.

**Dream.**

I was in Morty. Julia was gasping for air. Her bloody attire was still there. She was still on the ground, head down. I got out of my car, and helped her up.

She looks at me, then looks away quickly. "What did I do?" I ask sighing. She looks at me, raises an eyebrow. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Harsh, lady." I say taking her hand. She leads us down the street. The cars are still there. Everyone is walking, but they're all dead looking. Everyone is dead.

On the left side of me, almost like a movie screen. I see Mike and Julia.

Anger swells up in me, I let go of Julia's hand and watch them. "What are you doing? Keep moving." She pushes me, I shove her off, and give her a hurt look.

"We talked about this Eli." I shake my head. "Not really."

On the right side, there's a scene of me a long time ago. I memory that I've kept in the back of my mind, hoping that would never return again.

"Don't look." I whisper. I try blocking it out. "Whatever you see, I've already seen."

I slowly turn around and watch the scene as it replays again.

Her name was Charlotte. She was my best friend when we were nine. She was however, Mike's sister. We had grown up together. They were there for each other, had each other's backs. Their parents were never around. But they were always at my house.

At that moment in our life, we lives on the wrong side of town, Things were getting worse. Our car had gotten stolen, and we never heard from it again.

For the moment, Mike and I were good friends. We were walking home, and we decided to play a prank on Charlotte. She had decided to go to the bathroom at the local park. A place we had hung out at.

When she went to the restroom, Mike and I decided to make a run for it. We had gone far enough to where we could see her, but she couldn't see us. We thought this was hilarious. But ten minutes later, we heard a scream, and the screeching of tires. We ran back, and saw an SUV car, speeding down the street.

That was the last time we saw Charlotte. Alive, that is.

Four months had past, we set up flyers, and rewards for people if they did see her. Mike and I would hang out with each other, but we didn't talk. We didn't try to have fun, because it was our fault.

The day we did decide to try have fun, we found her. We had gone by the woods, we were going to go "hunting" but we really just wanted to shoot ourselves with our bb guns.

In the woods, we saw a pile of girl clothing. We followed the trail, and by the little creek, we found a body, drowning in blood. Mike didn't want to touch the body, so I had to. The body was naked. I flipped her over, and sure enough. It was Charlotte.

And I swore, no matter what. I would never let someone go again. Or let them out of my sight. I loved Charlotte. I loved Julia.

After the scene ended. I sighed and looked away. I haven't thought about that day since I almost got stabbed.

The things from my past made me, molded me, into who I am now.

"I always have to see that." Julia whispers. "I'm always here," She huffs. "Never moving forward, always staying in one spot."

"I learned more about you than I ever did when I was alive. That was a flaw in our relationship. Lack of communication. You never opened up to me." She lets go of my hand, and looks up at the clouds.

They're dark, like it's about to rain. "And this whole thing." She says looking at everything. "Is all you. I wish the clouds would rain already, or show some sunlight. But it doesn't. The last time it rained her was the day you tried to commit suicide. It all poured out. Just like you."

I looked away from her. I looked down at the ground. The atmosphere was gloomy, the air made my heart heavy. Everytime I breathed.

"I know about Clare." She says again. I just nod. Clare. I sigh. I'm a screw up. "Whatever I do. I always hurt someone. No matter what. I can't make anyone happy." I ball my fists. "Every move I make, I hurt someone." I shake my head.

"The do something about it." She tells me. "I don't know what though."

She looks over to her right. Another scene plays. "Watch."

Clare and Adam are at the dot, looking at there coffee cups. No one is saying a thing. They look at each other and then they look at the empty seat. Clare leans in, and lays her head on Adam's shoulder. He just sits there.

"This specific scene happened today. They both just got back from seeing you, but you're currently in a deep slumber. They want to talk to you. They want to be there for you, but…you push them away. Even if you weren't on the drug."

I nod. "I know, I get it." I roll my eyes.

"Why are you here?"

"I already told you. You're trapping me here." She says. "I don't want to forget you." She disappears. "You won't.' I hear a voice from afar off say.

"Then what do I do?" I ask, kicking a rock.

"Move on."

I woke up to nurses surrounding me. "Bad nightmare?" They ask me. I try to recall it. I just shake my head. "No, just remembering."

They nod at me, as I close my eyes again.

**Honestly, I have no idea where this story came from. I just kind of went with it as I wrote it. That was the last chapter I believe.**

**I think the point of the story is to move on from things from your past, because it doesn't matter. There's a reason why its your past. But I get Eli. I really do. I tend to be a past dweller, and I always think about the people who had died. Its even worse if they were close to you.**

**Anyways, I just wanted to say that. Review. It would make my day…**


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